Now

I went to the mall this weekend.

It’s not as easy as it used to be; this whole doing things. I have to walk to the bus stop, about a mile, make sure I have the change to get on, and make sure I get there before it leaves.

But I get so bored just sitting around the apartment. No TV, no internet. Boring!

So, I decided to do the trek myself.

Just going to get something to eat and people watch. I spent the entire time thinking about what would happen if someone came in and started shooting.

Especially when I was eating. Locating the exits. Keeping a general eye on the crowd.

But apparently, no place is really safe anymore.

I think “safe” isn’t a term that can be used with 100% surety anymore either.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Backpacking on the Appalachian Trail. Twice!

Became a Group Fitness Instructor!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

No. And no.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

A few of my gym friends!!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?

None, unfortunately.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

9. What was your biggest failure? I don’t think I failed at anything this year that I really tried for.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

11. What was the best thing you bought? My flannel sheets for my bed.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mikey for a lot of stuff, Eric a for being brave enough to go BACK to third grade and bounce back like a champ. My Mom, my sister, my brother,….really most everyone inmy life.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

14. Where did most of your money go?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? happier b) thinner or fatter? same c) richer or poorer? poorer!!!!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Diving!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Arguing

20. How did you spend Christmas? With my family and Kevin in Wilmington.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? Over and over again.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Grey’s Anatomy. Iron Chef America. What Not To Where.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I hate LESS people than I did last year.

24. What was the best book you read? Too many to count.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

26. What did you want and get?

27. What did you want and not get?

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I dont’ remember what I did but I turned 36.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

32. What kept you sane? I am NOT sane. Wha kept me from going over the ledge? I don’t know. The unwillingness to give up.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? None.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

35. Who did you miss?

36. Who was the best new person you met?

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

A coworker walked out the door and said, “well. I guess the Mayans were wrong.” in reference to today’s date.

Same coworker pronounces the word LOBSTER as LOPSTER.

So, so, blonde.

——

In other news, have to go to see the chiropractor tonight for the thing that is evaluating me after the accident and see if I’m ready to be released into the wild.  I was going in 4 times a week and it was needed, no joke. Now, I’m down to once a week and would like to have that tapered off to maybe twice a month so we can get the case settled. Tired of this dragging on so long. I’m fortunate, yes, I know that but I really just want to be done with it.

…….

I’m also ping ponging rapidly through bipolar cycles right now. I have no idea why or what but really am tired of it. Tired of my head.

Today has been very emotionally difficult and I’m all over the place. Alix will either stay or she will fucking go.

Period.

I told her today that I just can’t bear to be too excited about anything; that if she leaves to go back; that’s probably the end of a real relationship between us.

I can’t have that man in my life, not even on the peripheral edge. He is too toxic and manipulative.

October is set up to be a busy month.

I have Erica this weekend and my sister mentioned that she may come up and visit. So that’s the first weekend of crazy. The following weekend is probably going to be packed with cramming to learn the new format I signed up to do. The weekend of Oct 20 and 21 is CX Worx training. Then the following week includes a dentist appointment and then a 5k.

Lots of new stuff.

Still single. But busier than ever. Oh! And am volunteering for a friend’s committee for the Downtown Historic Oakwood Candlelight tour. I stand on a porch and greet people for two hours and i get a free tour and dinner. I like that. Plus it’s for Steve and Trish and I adore them.

I am looking forward to Christmas this year. Even if I am alone.

Breakfast: one chia waffle (105 calories, 3.5 fat , 1 gram protein) with 2 tsps Omega 3 peanut butter (95 cal, 8 fat, 3.5 protein), two egg whites (34 calories, 7.2 grams protein) = 200 calories, 11.5 fat, 4.5 protein

Lunch:

Snack:

Dinner:

Food:

Breakfast: 2 of these waffles with less than a tablespoon of JIF Omega Peanut Butter.

http://nativesunjax.com/our-products/on-off-the-shelf/natures-path-organic-chia-plus-frozen-waffles/

http://www.fatsecret.com/calories-nutrition/natures-path/chia-plus-waffles

http://www.fatsecret.com/calories-nutrition/jif/omega-3-creamy-peanut-butter

Lean Cuisine Frozen Pizza with jalepenos (350)  added on. 4 Olives (40) . 6 pieces of chicken lunchmeat. (50) = 440

Snack: two hard boiled eggs: 160 calories.

Dinner: mexican pizza with sour cream (80) and a black bean burrito from Taco Bell. (910)

One glass merlot. (123)

So about 210 for the waffles and about 100 calories for the PB. = 310

Lunch: 440

Snack:  160

Dinner: 910

Alcohol:  123

Total: 1943 Calories

Protein: at least 38 grams

carbs

fats

So running on a deficit this morning after doing CX Worx (only 20 minutes but still), then RPM, then BodyPump, and then BodyFlow.

So I burned at least 800-1500 calories.

That’s an exceptional day.

Damn catchy Nelly song lyrics are stuck in my head.

Started taking Fish Oil capsules again this morning.

1 cup of coffee

Morningstar Egg, Cheese, Veggie Sausage Crumbles, banana

half bag of steamed cauliflower and broccoli and lean cuisine lunch, diet mountain dew

protein bar snack

lots of water.

Would like to hoover down the shit on my desk. HUNGRY. STRESSED. Want to eat. Emotional eating though.