in the now

Things are going better than I could have expected with me and Kevin.

I think he and a few others, nailed it on the head when they asked if I was TRYING to self-destruct the relationship. Not that I haven’t had valid issues with Kevin but when a big part of my brain keeps telling me to get the heck out of dodge, it’s difficult to tell it to shut the hell up.

I don’t really want a self-fulfilling prophecy in that I’ll be alone the rest of my life but sometimes, it just seems so much easier. A lot more lonely yes but so much easier.

Honestly though, the benefits of being involved with this man far outweigh EVERY thing. I have never known another human being who is as intent on making things work. Not just to MAKE IT WORK DAMN IT but to make it work because he LIKES me and LOVES me. That’s an entirely new thing and one that I still can’t wrap my brain around.

It is really, really great though. He makes me crazy, I make him crazy but we are finally at a point where we’re starting to really understand each other.

And wow. That sounds a lot easier than what it has been. I am like nobody he’s ever met and he’s really nothing like anyone I’ve ever known. But we are so alike and think a lot alike but we get there in such VASTLY different ways.

I know that it’s been worth it. He’s … not given in … but he’s changed several things because of how much they upset me. Important, private things that I’ve never known any other person to be able to change just because it upset the person they loved.

He is worthy of my trust. And after almost two years, I’m really starting to believe in this.

This is such a good thing.

(throwing salt over my shoulder that we don’t get into a huge argument…every time I write something good about someone, we end up fighting or they end up doing something “not good”. )

And after almost two years, he’s even more loving and giving than he was when I first met him. That’s a pretty damn good track record as far as I’m concerned.

And Colleen? Thank you so much for talking to me the other night. Mucho gracias mi amiga.