Yearning
by Renee on May.17, 2012, under Every Day Life
I am filled with a feeling, a YEARNING for something. And I don’t like it.
It’s spring time.
Tonight I am not going to the gym.
Tonight I am going to go take a walk at dusk, my favorite time of the day, so I can smell the honeysuckle and look at all the GREEN and feel the love for Raleigh, NC.
So I will go explore the Disc Golf course that’s JUST up the road from where my apartment is.
Value of it all
by Renee on May.09, 2012, under Relationships
What is the value you would place on feeling completely safe with someone?
What is the value of complete trust knowing your partner is not going to cheat on you?
What is the value of a person who shows that they care in many small ways instead of using money?
How much value would a relationship like that have to you?
Old Fish Eyed Fool
by Renee on May.07, 2012, under Uncategorized
Damn catchy Nelly song lyrics are stuck in my head.
Started taking Fish Oil capsules again this morning.
1 cup of coffee
Morningstar Egg, Cheese, Veggie Sausage Crumbles, banana
half bag of steamed cauliflower and broccoli and lean cuisine lunch, diet mountain dew
protein bar snack
lots of water.
Would like to hoover down the shit on my desk. HUNGRY. STRESSED. Want to eat. Emotional eating though.
Diet. Life. Wassup.
by Renee on May.02, 2012, under Every Day Life, Learning Experiences, Medical
Started doing this: http://bragg.com/healthinfo/acvdaily.html
From their site:
It’s so easy to incorporate vinegar into your daily diet. When you wake up in the morning just make a delicious cocktail using 2 teaspoons of raw, organic apple cider vinegar, and if you need a sweetener, use organic honey, 100% maple syrup, or molasses to taste. If you are diabetic, use the sweet substitute stevia. I recommend you use only distilled water. This “Bragg Healthy Cocktail” is designed to flush out wastes that are clogging the organs of elimination, the bowels, lungs, skin, and the kidneys.
Take it at least twice a day, and you will start to see changes like increased energy, soft skin, and decreased muscle and joint aches from exercise. Make sure you use raw, organic vinegar, never dead, distilled vinegar because the natural enzymes, minerals, and nutrients are destroyed in the distilling process.
In other liquid news:
I don’t like sweet wines. I prefer the reds. So strange. I LOVE a good Malbec or Shiraz or Cab Sauv.
So trying all sorts of alternative stuff to see if it helps with the fibromyalgia and overall health stuff. I need to add a daily vitamin and a b complex vitamin back in with the glucosamine/msm/chrondroiton stuff. What else? Oh yeah ordered some Aloe Vera juice and also Turmeric on the advice of my M.D. Supposed to help settle down inflammation in the body. Hopefully, it will get here soon.
And? I have a new cat. He’s pretty awesome. We call him Mr. President.
My apartment is wonderful. But I do miss Chris. I am not going to lie. He did make my life a little easier such as cooking and cleaning. Sigh. I sort of miss having someone to discuss the current episode of whatever Netflix I’m watching.
But I keep reminding myself of the million reasons why this needed to happen.
I’m NOT discounting the hanging out in the future. Or you know. Sex. It’s a necessary component of life!
And this is where I’m so conflicted.
Do I think there is a person in this world that is the PERFECT match? Not really. So how many matches in how many areas make it unfeasible? Did I end something that was going to be the best thing for me at this point in my life? Everyone has fucking baggage. A lot.
I knew that it would be about a month to two when I started missing him. So, right on target. At least it’s not a surprise anymore. It’s a pattern in my life. This is good and bad.
Whatever. We move forward and keep moving.
The pets.
by Renee on Mar.01, 2012, under Kids & Pets
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ERICA D’S PETS
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Holy ****. And Oh My God. And ARGH! But, it’s okay.
by Renee on Mar.01, 2012, under Every Day Life
Honestly.
My life is AWESOME right now.
I’ve been going through some old part of the journal and updating them all into this database so I can just export all of it and have them in one place and my life and the situations I made and the ones I found myself in the middle of; they sucked so very fucking much that, in hindsight, I can only just shake my head, try to get rid of the panicked feeling I have in my gut, and remind myself that it’s okay. it’s okay. it’s okay.
1. I was so stupid.
2. I made a lot of mistakes.
3. I am still stupid.
4. I expect to make more mistakes.
5. However: I am profoundly grateful for each moment in time that I get a bit of clarity and renewed sense of peace in my heart.
I made the life I’m living right now.
Sure, I’d change some stuff. I’d love to miss out on some of the pain and agony that I went through to get to the other side. I still am wounded deep within my heart over some things that will never be put right but it’s okay.
I wish I could take back the hurt I caused.
But you know. You can’t do that.
You live with the choices you make and you either keep going forward or you give up.
Protected: MySpace Blog Entries During 2007-2008
by Renee on Mar.01, 2012, under Uncategorized
3.8.2007
by Renee on Mar.01, 2012, under Uncategorized
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…. In other news, I’ve been immersed (pun intended) in diving, learning to run a dive shop (marketing and such), learning new dive skills and all things diving related. It’s the one good and true experience in my world right now. Well, with occasions of serious SUCK when a certain ignorant, conniving female intrudes into it. Whatever. My instructor is the absolute best person ever. He’s offered me a small percentage of actual ownership to his shop. Can you believe that???? He reminds me so much of my Grandpop and I absolutely adore him. Meeting him and having him become my instructor has been the best thing that’s happened to me in the past 6 months. If I didn’t have that to hold onto, I would seriously have been in a world of hurt. I’ve worked so hard and learned so much in the past 4 months that my head should have things popping out of the top I’ve crammed so much into it. And some of it is terrifying yet exhilarating at the same time. Check out the dive journal which is getting more love at this point than this journal. Sometimes…..I just can’t write here. Still. Everything is half-way fucked some of the times and it makes my heart just break into pieces. Diving. Stay focused. Rescue diver, master diver, dive master, instructor assistant, instructor. I have goals and by God, I’m going to meet them. SD (instructor) is planning on having me at Dive Master level (a HUGE DEAL) by the summer. You have to have at least 50 dives plus 4 dive specialties in order to have the certification for that as well as going through some Seriously difficult academics and stuff like that. I am so excited though. I just got dry suit certified a few weekends ago and can now dive, comfortably, in the local quarries year round and not freeze to death!!!!! This is a big deal. I’m going tomorrow to do some more diving with SD to get more comfortable in the drysuit (which is way different than a wet suit). … Mikey seems to be doing all right. He’s been with my Mom and Ray in Wilmington. He’s going to NA meetings, keeping in contact with his probation officer, has a job he started a few days ago and is starting back to school next week. If you pray, pray with all your heart and soul that he makes it through this initial time of being clean and all the difficulties he faces. If you don’t pray, send some serious good vibes. I love him and he needs all the support you can give him. Sometimes, it’s hard to be as supportive as I’d like because we are all still recovering from the screwing over we’ve gotten in the past year. But I know that if you care to drop him a note, even from people he doesn’t know, that will give him a boost …. to know that people are rooting for him that don’t even know him. Drop me an email and I’ll send you the mailing address. As it’s my Mom’s, I don’t want to publish it online, she’d freak. … Erica, poor little Foo. She’s struggling with her ADD in math doing time and money. I get so frustrated when trying to explain things to her that I only end up doing more damage than good. She’s a doll though. As frustrating as she can be. She’s still dealing with the issue of her Dad being gone every single weekday and sometimes she doesn’t do so well. It’s so hard to listen to her tell me how much she misses him and asking me why can’t he just get a different job? Heartbreaking. I have absolutely no words of comfort to offer her. And she still struggles with Mikey not being part of her daily life anymore. She’s lost everyone except me. Stuart’s gone, Alix and Mikey are gone. It’s just me and some days, that’s just not enough for her. Which I understand more than I’d like to. damn it. a crying break. the main reason I can’t write much here anymore. *sigh*. …. Breathe. Just breathe one breath after the next. The good! My sister AND brother both had babies within the last few weeks. I am now an aunt to not one but TWO boys! My sister had her’s early, wasn’t due until April and he was on a breathing thing but as far as I know he’s been taken off of that. He weighed 7 lb. when born so that was a good thing. Funny, he was born on my brother’s birthday: March 2. Ethan Alexander. Amanda is coming down to see me the weekend after this. It seems like too long since I’ve seen her or Jeff. Mikey turns 18 next Thursday. That’s it for now. I’m just going to be over here breathing.
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March 8, 2007
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1.10.07
by Renee on Mar.01, 2012, under Uncategorized
I’m about to lose all my street cred (HA! as IF…) by the following admission:
I own a pair of Crocs.
But wait. It gets worse. I own a pair of Crocs and I have Jibbitz on them.
Worst of all: I LOVE THEM to pieces.
Michael got a pair this past summer and I busted on him something fierce about being a “soccer mom” and following the fads and how they looked like Litte Dutch Boy shoes.
And here I am 6 months later (he bought them for me, dark brown), wearing the hell out of them.
My Jibbitz are a silver star on the left and a dive flag on the right.
I am a Croc Convert.
